I basically ... Become what anyone around me is or needs. I do it so completely that generally I donapos;t see it unless it runs into a contradiction with another person. I believe it when it happens. I believe this is who I am.
She wants me to work on this.
I donapos;t know how not to do this unless I lock myself in my room all day. If I do that, I become me. And when I think about trying not to do it out here, in the main house, where anybody else is ... It terrifies the crap out of me. Not sure why.
She wants to talk about it. Get to the core of it. And I donapos;t wanna. I canapos;t explain it. It just creates this siren like thing in my head. Like -- aaaaah I canapos;t go there
I think, in some fashion, that thereapos;s a "facing reality" aspect to this. If I deal with this issue of mine, I have to face the reality of what caused it.
Which ... I think I understand but maybe I donapos;t.
Oh shit.
I think I just figured out what my phone paranoia is You canapos;t read the body language on a person on the phone, so you canapos;t morph into what they want or need. You might make a mistake. Thatapos;s it ... Isnapos;t it?
Great. Peachy.
Well, that sucks then. Crap.
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